Remember this feeling.
Remember this feeling.
April, 26th 2015
Just start with what you’re feeling right now.
I fucking miss my family.
We talk every day. But it’s not enough.
Yeah, family is important to a majority. How is it different?
Maybe it’s not and that’s the point.
We’re the same person. All of us.
We laugh the same. We’re sarcastic. We dance. Alone or drunk.
Procrastinators. Artists. Perfectionists. Loyal. Kind. Rebels. Activists. Vegetarian. Political. Perfect. To me.
That’s us, not you. I don’t know you.
Maybe we’d get along.
It’s weird to be in each others faces for decades and then to be ripped apart.
Now two continents. Not for long but still.
Walking from kitchen to living room now takes anything from three to fifteen hours.
Technology’s adequate. Sure.
But I can’t hug a computer screen. You know what I mean.
I can feel the smile in words but I can’t see it. Just a memory playing across my mind.
It’s probably brought us closer. But when does this become more important than movie days with him, nights with her or kitchen tables with her?
It’s hard to tell.
I Know You Know Me – The Tease
April, 26th 2015
I don’t know.
I’ve been swirling, barely surviving, in emotions and experiences for months now.
Never processing anything.
Maybe I just didn’t want to.
Bad is quickly replaced with good. And when good falls to bad there is still the hope of good in the near future.
But this is all abstract.
I know what I’m talking about.
Do I even want to tell you?
I have no idea.
It sounds rather dramatic. It’s not been.
I think I’ve just forgotten how to look after myself. Sometimes.
Other times we work great together.
I hate saying ‘great’. It’s not the only adjective in existence.
Certainly not the most fascinating.
It’s hard to know what to say first. I don’t think chronology is the best cause for most things.
Emotions link. Activities mesh. Everything gets tangled.
How do you untangle it?
Winter Song – Sara Bareilles + Ingrid Michaelson
April, 26th 2015
There’s so many things.
Always so many things in my head.
I think I just need to work through them by typing.
I don’t want to be the writer-who-doesn’t-write anymore.
So just change it.
Nobody else can.
Shiver Shiver – Walk The Moon
We’re merging blogs guys, bear with me!
Fools Gold – The Stone Roses
I seem to have the unfortunate habit of only writing one post every six months. This is not a good ratio. Especially since I have so much to say. I think we’ll go for a goal of one a week and see what happens. Even one a week is pretty pathetic. I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve said ‘this time is different’. But it is. It just has to be. I’m bored of myself and my excuses. So I’m changing. And it’s gonna be fun, I think.
Shine – Years and Years
well i had a productive morning.
got up at seven am, realised i don’t ever want a real job if it means getting up at such an hour, went to the library one minute after it opened at 8 to print visa documents, got frostbite on my bum when i made the horrendous mistake of sitting on the bench at the bus stop (it was minus 12 outside), took the bus to the social security building in fairfax and walked to it whilst my face fell off entirely (see previous mention of temperature), got to the building at 8:59! (it opened at 9) YET i was 23rd in the goddamn queue! how. only had to wait an hour though and got my social security number! the woman was really quite rude, didnt say a word to me and i had to sit opposite her for like ten minutes whilst she copied my information from my documents to the computer, but whatever, means to an end, then i decided to go to the giant (think tesco) which was right outside the bus stop because the bus was 20 minutes away and my face JUST COULDNT TAKE IT, i bought a couple of low fat (you wouldnt believe how many calories are in normal dressings!) salad dressings and even some croutons! so that i can spice up the garden salad on campus – the only veggie salad, doesn’t even have cheese or anything LITERALLY JUST VEGETABLES, and carrots, ew, then i got the bus in perfect time, got back to campus and have been relaxing ever since 🙂 i’m about to workout, boo, and then I’m meeting my friend and we’re going to go off campus for dinner (read, tea) i think the underlining message of today is that i have perfect timing 😉
Today was a day of epic proportions.
Where to even begin? After a less than mediocre roommate last semester I was finally able to move rooms today! And by utter chance I have the room to myself! (I do still need to have a talk with America about this whole roommate business. Doesn’t appear to have a very good success rate.) So, gone are the headphones and here is the dancing around the room. No longer will I take a Netflix day and be judged for it! They say there’s nothing like solitude. Wait, well, they should.
But the day’s greatness doesn’t stop there! Next I find out two (maybe three) of my favourite people are coming to visit me. ALL THE WAY FROM ENGLAND. We’re planning a shenanigans-filled week in the Big Apple and I cannot wipe the smile off my face! We’re in the early stages of planning but I already know it’s going to be one of my most spectacular weeks here.
And to top off the already beyond perfect day: Big Hero 6. Yep, you heard. GO AND WATCH THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW. It’s January and I already know it’s one of my favourite films of the year. HECK, it’s one of my favourite movies of all time. Simply, it’s hysterical. But don’t think you’re in for an easy ride. Mate, this picture will mess with your emotions. Yes, you will laugh but you will cry, maybe even weep. Then you’ll laugh and weep, simultaneously. You will be emotionally broken and confused yet it will be the funniest film you see all year. Just go.
At the movie I also had a lovely reunion with SeHyun, Eri and Yunhee. I’ve missed those guys over Winter Break and I can’t wait for this semester. There you go, there’s the underlining message of this post: I am ready for this semester. I’m possibly even more excited than last semester.
But you’re probably wondering: Sarah, you made your last post six months ago. How the heck did you get here? Well let me fill you in, friend…
Away – All The Luck In The World
In twenty two days I will be putting my life in Britain on hiatus whilst I swan off for a year abroad in America. How do I feel? ‘Oh mate, you must be so excited!’ And I really am. I’m bloody ecstatic! I’ve been planning this since sitting in I.T lessons when I was sixteen. Scrolling through prospectus after prospectus scanning for degrees with a year away.
And it’s like finally here. It actually happened. We’ve had our ups and downs, me and my year abroad. We were best friends for a long time and then I figured for a year or two that I didn’t need her. But right at the last second we patched things up, so off I’m jetting to Washington D.C. The idea of travelling greatly fascinates me but I’ve never particularly had the chance to do it by myself yet. In childhood, I was fortunate to have amazing holidays fuelled by my parents own appetite for adventure. Seeing new cities, cultures, cliffs, causing chaos wherever we heaved our people carrier next. It was a blast and although I may be ruining my mother’s life (direct quote), she should know it’s because of her determination to explore as much of this world as we can that I’m simply carrying on her work. (I also have a race with my dad to be the first Williams on all seven continents!)
So yeah, me and excitement, we’re good. But then he quickly introduced me to his best friend terror and I haven’t been able to get rid of that guy since. I mean, I’d like to think it’s a healthy kind of terror. Like, oh man, I’m not gonna be able to make friends because I’m awkward, or, oh jesus, they speak English? Because I understand NOTHING that is going on here. But all the same, it’s there. I’m literally completely abandoning everything I know. I’m leaving behind the great family and the most perfect friends and I guess the gravity of the distance is only really beginning to register.
Gone are the days of just popping on a train home to Liverpool for the weekend when I feel like seeing my mum. Gone are the hysterically drunken nights and horrendously hungover next days with my triangle in Leicester. But, I mean, here is the year of reinvention (or at the very least, discovery), courage in refusing to let my inability to meet new people stop me from saying yes to every opportunity. This is the year of complete liberation and exploration from the me I’ve always known. We’re okay, but we can improve, and we can have a good time.
So we’re going. And I can’t fucking wait.
Ever So Shy – General Fiasco